


Perfect Agony

by AfterUtopia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura isn't mentioned at all but she's for sure alive and happy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Consensual Infidelity, Fix-It of Sorts, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Canon, Season 8 compliant BUT Allura lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22075552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfterUtopia/pseuds/AfterUtopia
Summary: Keith had loved Shiro for most of his life, so Shiro's marriage to someone else is heartbreaking. But then things with Shiro change, and Keith has to grapple with his feelings for Shiro and his own morality, forced to make a decision that will affect not only his life, but Shiro's too.
Relationships: Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Perfect Agony

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Secret Santa gift for @/cherrykeiths on Twitter! I really liked their prompt for post-S8 infidelity, but I added my own little twist!
> 
> Heads up that there IS background Shurtis in this fic, but this is a strictly Sheith fic, I am not a Shurtis shipper, and (SPOILERS!!) there is a happy ending without Curtis and Shiro together at all, just Sheith.

Shiro was perfect, and Keith loved him - had been in love with him since the Garrison, although Shiro had never looked at him that way back then.

He did now though. Things were different, things had been changing. The clap of a hand on his shoulder lingered longer than it used to. The gray eyes that had always looked at him with fondness seemed to shine with something more. They sat closer together on the couches, clung tighter when they embraced, joked freely and laughed often.

Things were different now, and Keith hoped.

Had hoped.

Until Shiro married a man from the Atlas bridge Keith barely even knew, with barely any warning.

And then suddenly everything was different.

.....

Shiro was perfect, and Keith hated it.

He wasn’t perfect in the way people expected him to be, wanted him to be. Shiro was an amazing admiral and diplomat, yes, was strong and clever and charismatic and kind.

Keith saw Shiro’s perfection in other ways. Shiro was perfect because he made stupid, _stupid_ jokes and stared at Keith with mischief in his eyes until Keith laughed or shoved him or both. Shiro was perfect because he loved that nasty, boxed Mac and Cheese more than any sane person could, and he always saved a few noodles to form into goofy smiley faces at the bottom of the bowl, tilting to show Keith before gobbling those remnants up as well. Shiro was perfect because the war lingered in his body and mind just like Keith - in his arm when the prosthetic grew to be too much, in his scars when he looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize himself sometimes, in the nightmares and flashbacks and fears - and he trusted Keith with that pain.

And he could be trusted with Keith’s pain, too. Most of it, anyway.

Shiro was perfect because everything was different now, but everything was the same, and it _hurt_.

Shiro had a perfect marriage, to a man who wouldn’t even speak to Keith beyond what was strictly required. Shiro was married, but he still spent late nights curled up with Keith watching old TV shows like Gomer Pyle and Brooklyn 99, and reminiscing about how much the world - the universe - had changed. Shiro was married, but he still let his hand linger for too long on Keith’s shoulder, let their hugs last far past when they should end. They still sparred with the same ferocity, still trusted with the same depth, still spent time together like it was the only place they wanted to be.

Shiro was married, and everything had changed, but it hadn’t. Keith hadn’t.

Keith’s feelings hadn’t changed at all, and every day was perfect agony.

He started to take more missions with the Blades, and longer ones that took him further and further away. Keith didn’t want distance from Shiro, had never wanted distance from Shiro, but it felt like all he could do. All he could do was suffer and run.

Shiro noticed. Of course he noticed. When they were together, everything was as wonderful as always, but Shiro saw the ever-growing distance in the gaps, and soon Keith began to see a reflection of his own pain in Shiro’s eyes. Somehow, that hurt worse.

It was months before either of them said anything.

Late one night, the last night before another Blade of Marmora mission, they were watching an old Christmas Hallmark movie (despite it being August). Keith had commenting on how terribly heterosexual the scene was, and Shiro laughed. And then slung his arm over Keith’s shoulders.

It wasn’t new. It wasn’t something they hadn’t done before. They had already been sitting so closely together on the couch. But things were different tonight, somehow. Keith couldn’t do it.

“I should probably go finish packing,” he stated, standing. “Rain check on the movie until I get back?”

Keith began to walk away, but Shiro caught him by the wrist.

“Keith.”

He froze at the sound of his name, the sadness of Shiro’s voice matched by the look Keith saw on his face when he turned back around.

Keith didn’t speak. He didn’t know what to stay.

Shiro’s voice came in a whisper. “Stay. Please.”

Keith didn’t speak. But he didn’t move away. Their eyes were locked; Shiro’s pleading, Keith’s unsure. And then, long moments later, Keith caved.

He loved Shiro too much to deny him this, or anything else.

Keith’s body lost it’s rigidity, and he took a small step back towards Shiro.

Still with his prosthetic hand wrapped around Keith’s wrist, Shiro stood to meet the movement.

“Keith,” he whispered again, human hand rising to cup Keith’s cheek. “Stay with me. I mean it. Please.”

Confusion flashed across Keith’s face and then rested there. “What?”

He was answered not with words, but with a slow press of lips, hesitant and soft and over too soon.

The kiss was perfect. Shiro was perfect. Keith did not hold back, his free hand coming up to make a fist in Shiro’s shirt, pulling him closer so Keith could tiptoe up for another kiss, this one far more hungry than the last.

When they finally broke apart, the look shared between them was shining with wonder, and worse - hope. Keith felt impossibly happy in that moment, until reality forced itself back into place. Of course it was impossible. Shiro was married.

He turned away sharply. “I need to pack,” he forced out, voice strained.

“Keith, please,” Shiro began again, but he didn’t hold Keith back this time, and the slender man was gone before he could finish.

The mission was long and grueling, and Keith could not have asked for anything better. No time to dwell on Shiro or his marriage or his lips or the way he tasted or how good he felt or the future Keith wanted and could never have. No time to think about actions or consequences. Just do the work.

It was another month before Keith returned, and Shiro was there to meet him in the hangar, same as always. His smile was bright when his eyes met Keith’s, and then sheepish, and then he glanced away, his prosthetic hand coming up to rub the nape of his neck nervously.

They went to lunch, and Shiro sat across from Keith, his legs knocking into Keith’s under the table and then staying there.

Keith didn’t mind. How could he mind? He loved Shiro. That never changed.

And that was why, later, when they had a chance to speak in private and Shiro looked at his lips instead of his eyes, Keith decided. He would continue to not think. Not about actions, or consequences, or husbands, or futures. He wanted Shiro, and Shiro wanted him.

Keith could never deny Shiro anything.

.....

Two years. For two years, everything was the same, and everything was different.

They still watched old movies and made fun of cheesy lines. Shiro still tried to cook, and Keith still forced himself to eat whatever Shiro made him. They still rode hover bikes into the desert, tall lines of dust curling behind them. Curtis still refused to be in the same room as Keith.

But now those movies ended in makeout sessions and sex more often than not. Keith went back to taking regular missions instead of long and dangerous ones, preferring to spend more time on Earth making sure Shiro ate some decent food. They sometimes rode just one bike instead of two, enjoying the feeling of being pressed up against one another in the desert wind.

It felt so much like dating that Keith forgot, sometimes, that Shiro was a married man. It wasn’t until he slipped up, kissing Shiro in public or reaching for his thigh, that Keith was sharply reminded of their situation.

He was the mistress. They couldn’t be public about what they had. They had to be careful. And Shiro was so bad at it, it was up to Keith to keep the secret for them both.

It was eating him up inside, a fire that gave him life, love, and passion, while burning him away bit by bit.

It took two years before he finally came to terms with the truth.

He had to break up with Shiro.

He did it on the rooftop of the Garrison, where he could see the stars. Keith felt less hopeless when he could see the stars.

“We can’t do this anymore, Shiro.”

He said it suddenly in the late-night silence, pulling his hand away from where it had been holding Shiro’s one last time.

Shiro’s face had been turned blissfully upward toward the sky, reflecting the light of the universe. It fell into shadow when he turned his head at Keith’s words, only confusion and shock shown there now.

“Keith... what?”

It killed Keith, seeing Shiro shift so quickly from resplendent to unsure. Shiro looked like suddenly his world had lost its balance, like the impossible had happened and he didn’t know how to keep his footing.

Keith didn’t know what to say. “We can’t do this anymore,” he repeated, turning his head away.

“Can’t... come up to the roof anymore?” Shiro asked, but his question was a feeble attempt to delay the inevitable. He already knew what Keith meant.

Keith looked back at Shiro, shaking his head slightly.

Shiro’s expression crumpled. “Keith, why?” he asked in barely a whisper.

Keith had known this would be hard. He’d put it off as long as he could. Prepared himself to the best of his ability, but it wasn’t enough. Quite suddenly, he couldn’t breathe, and he blinked back a stinging in his eyes. He hunched his shoulders, refusing to look at his best friend while he tried to find words.

The silence was long, but Shiro waited for an answer as to why. Why did Keith want to end something so wonderful, so good? Keith could only answer with the truth.

“I love you, Shiro.”

It certainly wasn’t what Shiro had been expecting, because the confusion in his voice only grew when he responded slowly, “I... love you too... Keith, wh-“

“No, Shiro!” Keith interrupted, the pain of the three years since the marriage erupting at once. He whirled in Shiro. “I love you! And I can’t let you do this to yourself. You have a good life. A husband. You’re _married_ , Shiro. And the Captain of the Atlas. And an interstellar icon. I can’t let you keep risking all of that. I-“ His voice broke suddenly, with a sob. He breathed in deep, ragged, and then steeled himself and his voice to continue. “I _won’t_ let you ruin all of that. Not for me.”

Shiro stared at him, painted with shock. “Keith... what are you talking about?”

That certainly took Keith by surprise. He jerked his head back. How _dare_ Shiro play dumb with him, right now, about this. “Your _husband,_ Shiro!” He didn’t realize he was yelling. “Your marriage! I should know, I was your best man!”

Shiro just gaped at him. And then his eyes widened. “No, no, no, no, NO,” he muttered, rubbing his face in his hands. “I thought they told you, I thought you knew, how could you not know, all this time, how could I be so stupid, how did this-“

“Know _what_ , Shiro,” Keith spat, confused but unwilling to let go of his anger. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He didn’t understand what was going on.

Shiro threw up his hands and looked at Keith, some kind of hopelessness in his eyes. “It was a green card wedding, Keith!” There were tears in his eyes now, too. “It wasn’t real. I- I thought you knew...”

It was Keith’s turn to gape, all other thoughts and emotions cast aside as his brain tried to process this statement. Green card wedding. Green card wedding? What?

“What?”

“I died, Keith. This body, it’s a clone. You know this. Earth... it wasn’t registered here as human.”

Processing.... processing.... Ok, he could buy that, Keith thought. Maybe.

Shiro continued. “They couldn’t allow me to captain the Atlas as an alien. They couldn’t even let me back into the Garrison.” Shiro rubbed his forehead, distraught. “It was agreed that this was extremely stupid, but without an Admiral, there was nothing anyone could do. Marrying a human was the fastest solution. The marriage isn’t real , Keith.”

Slowly, Keith accepted this explanation. But it was world-rocking. Everything he’d been aching over for three years... was nothing. It was overwhelming.

“I’m human,” Keith said hesitantly.

Pain flashed across Shiro’s face. Finally, he stepped forward and reached for Keith’s hand. “I wanted it to be you. So badly. But we weren’t dating then, hadn’t talked about it at all. I was... I was scared. I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” He paused, taking a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice quaked with emotion. “You’re the best thing in my life, Keith. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you about it, didn’t ask how you felt. It was a coward’s choice.”

Keith gripped tightly to Shiro’s hand, eyes watering as he took in the words. “So then... this... us... It was...?”

“It was always real, Keith. It was always you.” His face contorted like he was trying not to cry. “I love you so much.”

That was it. That was what it took for Keith to accept what was happening, for the confusion to life and it’s place to be filled with a rush of love and hope, powerful and overwhelming. He fell forward into Shiro, who wrapped his arms tight around Keith.

“I love you, Shiro,” Keith sobbed as he clung to him. “More than anything.”

Shiro kissed the top of Keith’s head, and they stood crying in the starlight until, many minutes later, Shiro straightened.

“I was going to do this two weeks from now, after the divorce was settled,” Shiro said softly, “but that was when I thought you knew about... all of that. I think maybe this is a better time, now.”

Keith waited for an explanation as Shiro started to untangle himself from Keith.

Shiro reached for his pocket, then knelt.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Keith, followed by a sly smile from Shiro as he opened the small black box he had pulled out, a beautiful black ring inside, set with gold.

“Keith. Starlight. Love. You bring more warmth and light into my life than the sun, moon, and all the stars combined. I never want to spend another day without any doubt that you are mine, and I am yours. Will you marry me?”

With a broken sob, Keith knelt to the ground and embraced Shiro, kissing him once, then twice, then again and again until they were both laughing, and crying, and unbelievably happy.

“So, that’s a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes, you perfect idiot.”

And Keith kissed him again.

.....

Six months later:

The final words of the ceremony echoed across the pavilion and faded into the desert, where Keith and Shiro stood in their wedding finery atop a red rock cliff.

There were tears and sniffles from everyone in attendance, remnants of the beautiful vows spoken moments before, but no eyes shone brighter than those of the grooms as they looked at each other with love and wonder.

“I now pronounce you husbands,” Coran spoke, choking up a little himself. “You may now kiss.”

They did, and as they did, it felt like the first blissful step on a long and incredible journey together. Through life, through the universe, through love.

And everything was different, and everything was the same, and everything was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't quite bring myself to write full-on cheating yet (no judgement, I just wasn't sure if I could write it well), so I threw my own spin on it! Hopefully that makes it work for everyone haha. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
